Silicone is not my friend

Dear Diary,

Last night BF and I talked about our new way of being in relationship to each other. We (he) clarified what would be a spankable offense. We also debated whether or not spanking (for discipline) should be separate from sex. 

Personally, I can't separate the two right now...although I guess as TTWD evolves, that could change. He's worried that the spanking would be foreplay. I guess I can see where he's coming from but it's still muddled up in my mind. 

I got my promised spanking. I laid out a wooden spoon, a spatula, a crop, and one of his belt. I told him he could choose...big mistake! He tried them all!

Youch!!!!

The silicone spatula was horribly stingy, I couldn't keep still. The wooden spoon was also very painful. I didn't mind the belt and the crop as much. He finished with his hand. It was definitely a more intense spanking, and I can see how I would be motivated to NOT earn one of those on a regular basis!!! 

This morning, he called me out on something. I like that he's sharing when I've upset him instead of holding it in and withdrawing. I love this man, and I'm really loving this authoritative part of him that I knew existed (I see it in his work life) but was never shared with me. It feels like I'm getting to be with all (or at least more) of him now, instead of just parts

Love,

Dear Diary,

It’s been a while, hasn’t it?  I haven’t written in a diary since I was a teenager.  It seems as if it’s time to start again.  I want to keep a record of this journey.

I’m in love with my best friend.  How awesome is that?  We share our home with our three children (who we share with our previous spouses on a week on-week off basis).  On the weeks that we have our kids, we struggle with parenting and scheduling, and a chaotic home.  On the weeks we are without our kids, we struggle with missing our kids, trying to put order into our home, and finding the time to do all of the fun things we like to do together.

I’m making it sound as if our life together is a struggle.  It isn’t.  In fact it is wonderful, amazing, and full of many great moments.

I value our relationship and the family we are creating together.  Because of this, I am willing to do whatever it takes to make it work.  Not just make it work, but make it work well. 

So…I’ve asked my best friend to be the Head of our Household.  It’s a big responsibility I’ve asked him to take on, and I’m so grateful that after careful consideration he agreed.  In my life, I have so many responsibilities…my kids, a rewarding career, volunteer commitments.  I would imagine that people who know me would describe me as a strong and capable woman.  They’re correct.  I am.  I’m also a lousy housekeeper, and my mind is very good at coming up with reasons to have fun instead of taking care of business. That doesn’t make me less strong or capable; it is just a layer of who I’ve been.

I’m also submissive.

I’ve discovered that I am highly motivated by the thought of pleasing my best friend as the head of our household.  I’ve discovered that I find being spanked both highly erotic and painfully scary.  I’ve also discovered that my best friend is willing to do whatever it takes to make our relationship work.  Turns out he values us as much as I do!

My best friend needs a peaceful, clean home to be completely happy.  I’m happy when he is happy.  So, even though I’ve been a lousy housekeeper in the past, I’m choosing to learn how to be an excellent housekeeper now.  Last night we agreed in principle that BF would create a household schedule and I would adhere to it.  We also agreed that at least for the first while, it would be best if he micro-manages my time to get me on the right track.  BF has agreed to hold me accountable if I fall short of his expectations.  We’ve agreed that means he will discipline me through spanking.

We also agreed that spankings will be used to diffuse emotionally charged situations.  We tried that earlier this week and it worked well, which may have had something to do with BF agreeing to assume the role of HOH.

Last night, BF took the belt to me.  I’d asked him to so I could see what I’m getting myself into.  I’ll admit it was painful, but because we were both nude, and he was aroused and his hands were wandering (skillfully), it didn’t seem much like ‘discipline’.  I think I may have enjoyed it too much.

Tonight BF has agreed to show me our new schedule, and to show me what a real ‘discipline’ spanking will feel like.  I’m a little scared…but also a little aroused at the thought.


Love,